For victims of coercive or closed communities, the support organization Onder Controle opened on Tuesday. Readers Marjolein Donks (48) and Johan Broeksteeg (58) were in such a community and share their experiences. “The leader claimed to speak on behalf of God.”
Support organization Onder Controle offers victims of psychological violence and manipulation in closed or coercive groups, such as sects, a central and safe point of contact for (psychological) help and support.
There are all kinds of these closed communities, such as in the field of beliefs or other common ideas. Readers Marjolein and Johan were both in a Christian sect that dominated their lives.
“For a while, I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought I wouldn’t wake up and end up in hell,” says Marjolein. As a young woman in her twenties, she joins a strict religious community after falling in love with a follower.
The first time within the community feels like a warm bath. “You are showered with love,” says Marjolein. “People were vulnerable, shared how they came to faith, and gave me the feeling that I finally belonged somewhere as a family.” Soon the feeling of joy and freedom disappears.
‘I became increasingly isolated’
Strict rules apply in the closed community. “When I came home from work, there was no time to eat. I had to go to the association, pray for forty-five minutes. I had to wear covering clothes and be submissive. I threw away dozens of ‘devilish’ CDs under great pressure. Everything – my time, attention and money – went to the community.”
Marjolein must also try to convert others. She is told that if she doesn’t, the blood of those people will stick to her hands. Contact with family and friends fades because they are not converted. “My old social network disappeared, also because people were not waiting for my intrusive attempts to convert them. That’s how I became increasingly isolated.”
Her autism and ADHD make it extra difficult to meet all the requirements of the community. “Often I couldn’t concentrate during the long prayers. The pastor thought I was disrespectful to God.”
The leader claims to proclaim messages from God. A manipulation tool, Marjolein now sees. “For example, he claimed that my partner and I did not belong together because he thought I was too little for him. Moreover, the pastor wanted to link my partner to his seventeen-year-old daughter.” Later her ex marries the pastor’s daughter in question.
‘Then came the realization that the sect was wrong’
Doubt soon arises for Marjolein. During a walk in Scheveningen, she gets into a conversation with a Christian man in a Bible kiosk. “According to my community, he was not a ‘real Christian’, but he understood me. Then I realized that the sect was wrong. That conversation was my salvation.”
After more than a year, Marjolein leaves the community, which is not appreciated. “I was completely rejected and seen as ‘contagious’.”
Marjolein’s mother found it difficult to forgive her for having tried to convert her family to the point of annoyance. “She didn’t understand that I had been completely brainwashed. My mother has since passed away, but this remains difficult.”
‘Dear, dear Johan’
Johan and his girlfriend also become involved in a closed community in Eindhoven at the end of 2021. “We were the first couple within the group, the leader was lyrical. We would have beautiful children,” he says.
The group consists of twelve people and is led by a woman with an intimate circle around her. The leader claims to receive messages from her ‘light master’ Jesus; others from the circle say they receive messages from Joseph and Mary.
“If these people had a message for me from their light masters, they used a different voice. When I heard ‘dear, dear, dear, dear Johan’, I knew it was that time again,” continues Johan.
Johan and his girlfriend can also belong to that inner circle if they are exemplary members. “For example, you had to advertise the community. That was done, for example, with Facebook posts. The intimate circle around the leader was the highest achievable within the community.”
In the beginning, Johan doubts. “I thought: what is this nonsense? But it plays on you very much: the leader knew your good and bad sides. When you doubted, the leader kept hammering on you until you gave in.”
‘How could I fall for it? Aren’t I stupid?’
Members have to pay for (online) meetings, healings and therapies. “If you skipped a meeting, you were looked at strangely.” Followers are also approached with WhatsApp messages outside of meetings, so that control always remains palpable.
After a few months, Johan begins to become more critical. The planned world trip with his girlfriend seems unfeasible due to the community. “There was no room for criticism. That caused tension because my girlfriend remained loyal to the group and came into the intimate circle. In retrospect, that was an attempt to break us up.”
In 2022, Johan and his girlfriend make a trip to Norway. “There we briefly talked about our family, when my girlfriend also realized that we had been sucked into a sect. After that trip, we completely distanced ourselves from the community.”
After his departure, Johan feels ashamed for his involvement. “How could I fall for it? Aren’t I stupid? But such a group works so insidiously and manipulatively, you really don’t realize it yourself.”
Johan thinks it is important that victims can share their story. “Beautiful people are being abused, financially and mentally. And it happens so much more often than we think.”