André Hazes and Monique Westenberg Are Ending Their Relationship for the Third Time This Week. “Poor Dreetje” is the common sentiment, as their nine-year-old son is the one affected. Do Children Actually Suffer From Their Parents’ On-Again, Off-Again Relationships?
We don’t know the exact details of this celebrity couple’s family life. However, Jacquelijn van der Vijver, an educational expert at the Expertise Center for Children and Divorce, Knows a Great Deal about the Impact of Divorce on Children.
She says that a divorce is a loss experience. How much a child is affected DEPENDS ON VARIOUS FACTORS: The Level of Conflict Between the Parents, Whether the Children are present Thesis Conflicts, the Age of the Children, and How Clear the Agreements are.
“In an on-again, off-again relationship, it’s not clear to a child what’s happening. Children can be flexible, but they need to clearly understand what will change change for them and what their parents” Choice Means for them. “
“It creates anxiety if of the parents is always there at first and then absent for a while. Or if mom and dad are very cuddly at first, but dad Doesn’tn’tn’tn’tn’tn’tn’tn’tn’tn in for Coffee a Few Suffy Antennae for Thhartaey”
What your child learns from this
Don’t Involve Your Child in Every Step You Take in Your Relationship, But First Find Out Where You Stand, Van Der Vijver Advisles. Realize that children can take the relationship problems personally: “Children quickly think: This is my fault, I was Difficult and now they’ve broken up again. Children are Mainly Concerned with Making Their Parents Happy.” The Educational Expert Advice Parents to Listen to Themselves and Their Own Feelings.
You may not be Too Bothered If Your Relationship is Tumultuous, But Realize That Is The Example You’re Giving Your Child, Says van de Vijver. They grow up with the idea that a relationship looks like this. “With Such an Example, You May later Need Constant Confirmion in Your Relationship: We Are Okay With Each Other, We Will Always Stay Together, Right? They Keep Craving Confirmation.”
Or some Learns that love is temporary and Doesn’t dare to commit. “Someone Doesn’tn’t Want to Live Together or Have Children Themselves for Fear of Inflicting the Same Pain on Theme. That your Parents Never Really Chose Each Other, That Love Is Not Unconditional: You Get That.”
Jacquelijn van der Vijver is a Kies Trainer, a method from the expertise center for children and divorce. Choose stands for children in A Divorce. Children of Divorced Parents Can Participate in these Groups for Free.
Sensitive to the Rush, Attention, and Dopamine
Why is Such an on-off relationship actual attractive to some people? Perhaps It’s The Rush, An Addiction to Constant Highs and Lows, The Attention You Get From It, And The Thrill Of Making Up, Anahí Israel Thinks. She is a psychologist and sacrifices Relationship Therapy, Among Other Things. André and Monique Are Not in Her Treatment Room, So What Drives Them Is Unknown, Israel Emphasizes.
“In a Relationship with a pattern of breaking up and making up, chaos plays a role. It suits a certain character that has a craving for that dopamine and also sensitive to outside influences. If you’re also under a magnifying glass, I like the media. This pattern is Further Reinforced. “
If you’re in Such A Relationship, You definitely Have A Problem, Israel Warns. “It takes a lot of energy, is not effective and not pleasant, bee you keep going around in the same circle with each eather. You keep having the same discussion, because that feels familiar. That’s a familiar pattern. Things the same.
Judgmental Environment Doesn’t Help
Only when you recognize that your relationship is not effective can you start working on it. “If you’re not willing to do that, then just break up. Because you’re ruining your child with it. If you don’t solve your problems, they will have to do it to themelves later.”
In any case, IT Helps If the Environment is not Judgmental, Van der Vijver Knows. “Especially with Such an on-again, off-again relationship, we do that. We think: what is it, just make a choice! That can be lonely for such a couple and makes it extra diffress to find support.”
Hopefully, The Parents Have A Good Network and Maintain the Stable Factors in Their Lives, Says The Educational Expert. “It is an extra loss experience for children, in Such a breakup, Grandma, An Aunt, or a family friend Suddenly Disappears.”
Israel: “If hazes sayes that horses to let go of the relationship in order to grow, that is a sensible remark. But then stick to it. Dristance yourself and throw yourself into your work, your child’s megnicty. Thhat However sad it may be-what remains when that rush of your stormy on-again, off-again relationship disappears. “