Singer Jamai Loman and his partner have had a desire for children for a long time. The search for a child can be a big challenge for LGBTQIA+sets. Two couples tell their story.
LGBTQIA+couples have multiple options to have a child. Woman-wife couples often opt for a donor, says Sara Coster, spokesperson at the foundation for rainbow parenting more than desired. That can be a well -known donor or via a sperm bank.
Furthermore, lesbian couples can opt for intentional co-parenting, in which two or more parents who do not have a love affair together form a family. Domestic adoption and foster care are also an option.
The 36-year-old Sanne* and her wife Sofie (32) chose a famous donor. “We both think it is very important that a child knows from the start what it is like, from whom it comes from. That it can form a picture of his or her father,” explains Sanne.
The couple immediately had a desire to have children. Their search began in 2021. “We didn’t really meet anyone in our own circle,” says Sanne. With some hesitation, the couple placed an anonymous call in the local newspaper.
‘Surprise is already finished’
Placing the call was “pretty exciting”. You make your desire for children and public known. That necessity is not there for heterosexuals. “They can say: surprise! We are pregnant. With us that surprise is already finished.”
After all, a desire to have children is something personal, Sanne says too. “Family and friends already know, but it feels difficult if everyone you know a little knows that you are looking for a child.” But when no match rolled out of their anonymous call, they decided to go for a public option: via Facebook and Instagram.
In 2022 that led “Via via” to a donor, with whom the couple first had many conversations. “That process around the donorship took longer than the entire search for the donor itself. We are actually surprised at how fast our search went.”
Sanne could get pregnant through self -insemination. A boy was born in April 2024. The donor has signed a contract in which he renounces his paternal rights. “That is super important,” says Sanne. “You don’t want to get problems afterwards about how you or the donor want certain things arranged.”
Male-Manking can consider intentional co-parenting, or surrogacy, says Coster. With intentional co-parenting you share the time, care tasks and parenting responsibility with the mother (s). With surrogacy, the woman carries the child for the desire parents and the wish parents take care and education of the child. In the end, they also become legally also the parents. In addition, donorship, foster care and domestic adoption are possibilities.
For 34-year-old Mike van Doorn and his friend Boudewijn (33) it was “Love at first sight,” says Van Doorn four years ago. Already during their first date their desire for children was discussed.
Halfway through last year they decided to turn that wish into action. After they had visited some information meetings, they came up with surrogacy. But that doesn’t happen automatically. Van Doorn: “Becoming father in the regular way is already special, but through surrogacy is even more complicated.”
In the Netherlands, as a wish parent, it is not allowed to make a call for surrogacy. Looking for a surrogate mother within your own circle is allowed. Mike and Boudewijn started pronouncing their wishes to their environment. “Surrogacy requires something extra compared to regular parenthood: you have to make your wish to be known outside.”
But Van Doorn is optimistic and enthusiastic. “It can cause uncertainty, but we try to be confident that it will work.” Both men have that positive attitude. Van Doorn: “I am very grateful for a strong partner like Boudewijn.”
Together they give doubts about the possible failure of their dream no room. “But if it still comes, then we have each other. We don’t know anyone in our immediate environment who is experiencing this too. That makes it so connecting,” says Mike. It helps when they see online examples of gay couples that have had a child through surrogacy. “You see that it is not impossible.”
Singer Jamai Loman and his partner have had a desire to have children for some time. For lgbtqia+ couples, the search for a child can be quite a challenge. Two Couples Tell Their Story.
LGBTQIA+ Couples Have Several Options for Having A Child. Female-Female Couples Often Opt for a Donor, Sara Sara Coster, Spokesperson for the Rainbow Parenting Foundation more than desired. That can be a know donor or through a sperm sofa.
Furthermore, Lesbian Couples can opt for intentional co-parenting, in which two or more parents who do not have a romantic relationship with each mind form a family together. Domestic adoption and foster care are also an option.
36-year-old Sanne* and her Wife Sofie (32) Opted for a Known Donor. “We both think it is very important that a child knows from the beginning how things are, where he comes from. That can form an image of his father,” Sanne Explains.
The Couple Imediately had a desire to have children. Their Search started in 2021. “We Didn’t Really Come Across Anyone Within Own Circle,” Says Sanne. With some Reluctance, The Couple Placed Anonymous Call in the Local New Paper.
‘The Surprise is Already Gone’
Placing the call was “QUITE exciting”. You make your desire to have children known and public . Heterosexual couples do not have that need. “They can say: Surprise! We are pregnant. With us, that surprise is Already Gone.”
After all, a desire to have children is Something Personal, Sanne also Says. “Family and Friends Already Know, But It Feels Difficult IF Everyone WHO KNOWS YOU EVEN A LITTLE KNOWS That You Are Looking For A Child.” But when no match came out of their anonymous call, they decided to go for a public option: via Facebook and Instagram.
In 2022, that “Via Via via” Led to a donor, with whom the couple first had many conversations. “That process around the donation, Longer than the entire search for the donor itelf. We are actual surprised at how quickly our search.”
Sanne was able to get pregnant via self-insemination. A Baby Boy was born in April 2024. The donor has signed a contract in which renounces his paternal rights. “That is super important,” Says Sanne. “You don’t want to have problems afterwards about how you or the donor Wants Certain Things arranged.”
Male-Male Couples Can Consider Intentional Co-Parenting, OR Surrogacy, Says Coster. In Intentional Co-Parenting, You Share Time, Care Responsibilities and Parenting Responsibility with the Mother (s). In Surrogacy, The Woman Carries The Child for the Intended Parents, And The Intended Parents Take On The Care and Upbringing of the Child. They ultimately also bee -the parents in Legal Terms. In Addition, Donation, Foster Care and Domestic Adoption Are Possibilities.
For 34-year-old Mike van Doorn and his friend Boudewijn (33), It was “Love at First Sight” Four Years ago, Says van Doorn. Their desire to have children was already discussed their first date.
Halfway through Last Year, they decided to put that wish Into Action. After Attending Several Information Meetings, They Came to Surrogacy. But that Doesn’t Happen Automatically. Van Doorn: “Becoming a Father in the Regular Way is Already Special, but via Surrogacy It is even more complicated.”
In The Netherlands, it is not permitted as a prospective parent to make a call for surrogacy. Looking for a Surrogate Mother Within Your Own Circle is Allowed. Mike and Boudewijn started by Expressing Their Wish to Their Environment. “Surrogacy Requires Something Extra Compared to Regular Parenthood: You have to make your Wish Known to the Outside World.”
But Van Doorn is Optimistic and Enthusiastic. “It can bring uncertainty, but we try to have confidence that it will work out.” Both Men Have That Positive Attitude. Van Doorn: “I am very grateful for a strong partner like Boudewijn.”
Together They give doubt about the Possible Failure of Their Dream No Room. “But if it does come, then we have each other. We don’t know anyone in our immediate Environment who is also experience this. That makes it so connecting,” Says Mike. It helps when they see online examples of gay couples who have had a child through surrogacy. “You see that it is not impossible.”