It is warm and the sun is shining. If you are to believe social media, everyone seems to be enjoying it. But what if you prefer to stay inside? You don’t have to feel guilty about that, experts tell NU.nl.
On social media, people talk about sunshine guilt – feeling guilty because you don’t feel like enjoying the sun. It may be recognizable: the idea that you are missing something if everyone around you seems to be sitting on the terrace. “But it is important to give space to your feelings and listen to your own needs,” says Wendy van Mieghem, psychologist and sociologist and author of the book The wisdom behind emotion and feeling.
If you feel bad about yourself because you don’t go outside, it probably has to do with the standards or ideas you have come up with for yourself, says Jannah Loontjens, philosopher and author of the book Guilty: an exploration of my conscience. “For example, the idea that you go outside to sunbathe or sit on the terrace when the weather is nice. If you think that is part of ‘enjoying life’, you may think you are doing something wrong if you stay inside.”
But is that really the case? If you don’t feel comfortable with it, you should think about where your guilt really comes from, Loontjens advises. Guilt can take different forms. “Often it is a knot of various feelings of concern, the feeling of disappointing, and anxiety or uncertainty.”
Try to find out exactly where it pinches for you. That can help, Loontjens suggests. And don’t forget that there are more things that belong to a good life than going into the sun. Think about other ways to feel good. Because the greater number of warm and sunny days comes from climate change. Maybe that even leads to an even greater sense of guilt, Loontjens thinks.
Don’t be confused by social media
If you are thinking productively, chances are you can take away that guilt. You may not change anything about climate change by not sitting in the sun, but you can think about how to create more shade in the first place. “For example, consider the importance of removing tiles from gardens and the usefulness of planting more trees.”
If you know that you prefer to skip that heat, then especially take the space to do so, says Van Mieghem. “That way you give more priority to your own needs.” And that may still lead to a feeling of guilt, but you don’t have to do anything with that, she says. “Because it is a false sense of guilt. If you rightly feel bad about something, then of course you do.”
Finally, don’t be confused by social media, both experts say. “It can make it extra difficult to say ‘no’,” Van Mieghem thinks. “But try to stay with yourself and think about what you need.” Loontjens also sees that social pressure and social media can have a reinforcing effect. “It can certainly make you feel like you don’t have a fun enough life if you only see a lot of sparkling photos of others.”
But be aware that everyone has this feeling, she emphasizes. “Also the people who post those photos.” Looking at screens too much has a major impact on your mood, says Loontjens. Protect yourself and don’t do it too much. “Otherwise you may start to feel even worse because you are wasting your time scrolling through social media.”
If online is once again full of sun photos and people keep inviting you to go out, think about what you need. And know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with staying inside.