Do you ever wonder if you still want to be friends after a fight? Or do you notice that your friendship is watering down? Nu.nl asked experts how to put an end to it in a reasonable way and whether that is necessary at all.
Chances are that you will see friends coming and going during your life. And that is not surprising at all: you choose another school, move, get different interests or grow apart for other reasons. If that is mutual, then there is not much going on. But what if you notice that this is not the case?
In a love affair that is much clearer, Roos Vonk, professor of social psychology at Radboud University in Nijmegen, sees. “You can’t let that relationship watered down, but you will have to actively end.” With a friendship, that situation is less clear. If you grow apart, it might be best to make that happen.
“But what you also see a lot is that one does not want and the other does,” says Vonk. It can be annoying to hear excuses every time, like I don’t have time, it doesn’t work out or I’m busy. “Are you the person who always takes initiative and want to keep the friendship, then it can be useful to have a conversation about it.”
If you can make it clear to the other person what you are with, something might change. “If you see that that person attracts that, then that does something to you,” Vonk thinks. If it is mutual and if you grow apart, then it doesn’t hurt to look for each other less and less, says Theo van Tilburg, emeritus professor of sociology at VU University Amsterdam.
An open end can be nice
As far as he is concerned, it is not necessarily necessary to close a friendship. According to him, an open end can also be nice. “Maybe a few years later you will bump into each other again. Then you would – if you want – to pick up that friendship again. That will immediately be a lot harder if you have broken your relationship before.”
Even if you have lost sight of each other after a fight, it can feel very unimportant after a few years. “Maybe you think easier: sand over it. Or maybe you don’t even know what that fight was about.” During his research into loneliness among the elderly, he saw that contacts that do not belong to the inner circle come and go in life.
These are people with whom you have had close contact, but with whom that contact is also watering down – until you sometimes come across each other again suddenly. Then it can be a nice side effect that you can start that friendship again. “Not everything always has to be pronounced,” he thinks.
Also look at yourself
But if something annoying has happened, it may be nice to have that conversation. Just don’t just do that, Vonk tips. “You may think that you can be honest with friends, but that is not true. Someone’s ego plays a role here. Criticism almost never catches well, of whom it comes.”
According to her, it also helps to take a good look at your own role. “Be honest about that. And especially express what you appreciate in someone.” It is precisely by choosing to start the conversation that you find and appreciate the friendship important, she thinks. “Think carefully about how you put something. Not just blaming. If you set yourself vulnerably, it might even cause deepening in your relationship.”
Do you continue to doubt your friendship? Then ask yourself what you still want to get out of it. ‘Making’ ‘is therefore not necessarily necessary (but it is possible, if you like that). Bleeding a friendship is not a problem. If you notice that you would miss the other too much, then it may be nice to start that conversation. Then at least you have done your best.
Do you ever wonder after an argument if you still want to be friends? Or do you notice that your friendship is fading? Nu.nl Asked Experts How To Reasonly Put An End To It And Whether That is Necessary.
CHANSES ARE YOU SEE FRiends come and go through Throughhout Your Life. And that is not crazy at all: you choose a different school, move, develop other interests or grow separate for other reasons. If that is mutual, there is not much going on. But what if you notice that this is not the case?
In A Love Relationship that, Much Clearer, Sees Roos Vonk, Professor of Social Psychology at Radboud University in Nijmegen is. “You cannot lets that relationship fade, but you will have to actively end it.” In A Friendship, That Situation is Less Clear. If you grow separate, it may be best to let that happen.
“But what you also see a lot is that one no longer wags to and the other Does,” Says Vonk. It can be annoying to hear apologies every time, such as i don’t have time, it doesn’tn’tn’tn’t work out or I’m bucky. “If you are the person who always take the initiative and maintain the Friendship, it can be useful to have a conversation about it.”
If you can make it clear to the other person what you are struggling with, Something Might Change. “If you see that person is attracted to it, it does something to you,” Vonk Thinks. If it is mutual and you grow apart, it cannot hurt to see each other less and less, say’s theo van tilburg, emeritus professor of sociology at the VU University Amsterdam.
An open ending can be nice
As far as he is a group, it is not necessarily necessary to end a friendship. Accordance to him, an open ending can also be nice. “Maybe you will run into each other again a few years later. Then you could – if you want – pick up that friendship again. That Becomes a lot more difficult if you have consciously broken off your relationship Earlier.”
Even if you have lost sight of each other after an argument, that can feel very unimportant after a few years. “Maybe you think more easy: water under the bridge. Or Maybe you don’t just know what that argument was about.” Duration his research Into Loneliness Among the Elderly, he saw that contacts that do not belong to the inner circle and go in Life.
These are people with whom you have had close contact for a while, but with whom that contact also fades again – Until you Sometimes Suddenly Run Into Each Other By Chance. Then it can be a nice side effect that you can restart that Friendship So Easily. “Not everything always has to be spoken out,” he thinks.
Look at Yourself TOO
But if something unpleasant has happened, it can be nice to have that conversation. Just don’t do that just like that, Vonk advises. “You may think that you can be honest with friends, but that is not true. Someone’s ego plays a role here. People almost never take criticism well, no matter who comes from.”
Accordance to her, it also helps to look at your own role. “Be Honest about that. And as special Express what you appreciate in Someone.” Precisely by Choosing to start the conversation, you show that you Find the Friendship Important and Appreciate It, She Thinks. “Think carefully about how you become something something. Don’t just express reproaches. If you make yourself vulnerable, it might just lead to deaper in your relationship.”
Do you Still Have Doubts About Your Friendship? Then ask yourself what you still want to get out of it. ‘Breaking up’ does not necessarily have to (but it can, if you prefer). Letting a friendship that is not bath. If you notice that you would miss the other person too much, it can be nice to start that conversation. Then at Least you have done your best.