When looking for love, people are increasingly abandoning dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. These apps are suffering as a result. After times of endless swiping and chatting, are other forms of dating emerging?
Younger users are finding their way to dating apps less easily than generations before them. There was a time when apps like Tinder and Bumble flourished. Meeting potential love partners from the couch, what more could you want? Nowadays, there seems to be more need for authenticity and personal encounters.
Dating coach and love expert Marie-José Bosch-Kuiper sees increasing aversion to online dating, especially among young people. Swiping people past on a screen seems easy, but at the same time, there are also the necessary ‘risks’ involved. Users seem to be less and less interested in that.
For example, something like ‘ghosting,’ where the other person suddenly stops responding, has always existed. But on a dating app, it’s much easier than never responding to apps or messages again. “On a dating app, you’re even more anonymous,” says Bosch-Kuiper.
If you’re dating someone you know through mutual acquaintances, there’s a good chance you’ll handle it differently if you don’t see a future with them. Then you might take the trouble to indicate that you don’t see them that way after all. Bosch-Kuiper: “If you only know each other through a screen, you probably feel less responsibility.”
No one is used to being turned down anymore
Gen Z, the generation of young people born between 1997 and 2012, has grown up in a time when online communication is the norm. They don’t know any better than that there is internet. Precisely they now seem to have less need to, in addition to everything else in their lives that takes place online, now also find love digitally.
“They are the first generation that has fully grown up with the internet and mobile phones,” says Lizzy van Hees. Together with Emma de Thouars, she makes the podcast Steeds meer singles (More and more singles) and co-wrote the book Single with De Thouars. “Possibly they are therefore increasingly aware of the privacy difficulties of dating apps.”
The corona period will also have had an impact, Van Hees thinks. “The socialization of that generation has suffered a dent for two years. As a result, they are no longer used to being turned down.” And although it is normal for these young people to express themselves online, it is different with dating.
What you do online is actually constantly judging other people and being judged yourself, Van Hees argues. “While our brain doesn’t like that at all. Apparently, Gen Z’ers are now settling accounts with that. They also show a different image on other social media. Everything has to be much more raw and authentic, instead of very polished.”
Sharing an experience is more important
Per session you encounter an average of 140 profiles, Van Hees continues. “The more choice, the better sounds nice as a marketing pitch, but almost no one is really happier with that.”
She does see something changing in the dating market. “There is the dating app Breeze, which has removed the chat function, so you meet each other faster.” In addition, the number of events and evenings where you can meet each other as singles is increasing. Think of speed dating nights and game nights aimed at singles.
“There seems to be more need to share an experience with each other,” says Van Hees. “Swiping on a dating app feels more and more like shooting with hail. You spend an awful lot of time swiping for one match, and then a lot will depend on that.”
Bosch-Kuiper also sees the mistrust of dating apps increasing. “It can feel less trustworthy on an app. And there is a growing realization that those apps don’t necessarily aim for you to eventually meet someone.” Yet she also still sees the benefits of dating apps. “It remains an easy way to meet new people.”
First get to know yourself well
According to Bosch-Kuiper, it is not fair to blame the apps for a failing dating life. “Young people have forgotten how to meet others and make contact.” The dating coach advises to go out and get to know people. “That way you build up self-confidence again.” And especially get to know yourself well first, because only then can you better recognize who suits you.
And, Van Hees adds: “Learn to be turned down again.” If you find that less scary, you might approach someone more quickly, she says. Because chatting with someone for weeks is not everything either. “Meeting and getting to know each other in real life is what many people need.”